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Eidos Interactive is one of the most over-rated publishers in the entire video game industry. While Eidos occasionally releases a good game like Fear Effect or Deus Ex, the vast majority of the company's games just plain suck. Of course, anywhere there is a publisher who releases a lot of crap, Master Gamer will be there to make fun of them in as many ways as humanly possible. I didn't actually interview anyone at Eidos Interactive, but if I did, it would have gone something like this... Ivan: Congratulations on now being one of the 60 companies to be making games with a Disney license. Was it as expensive as I think it was to sign up a bunch of B characters that no one has ever heard of? Eidos: ... Ivan: "Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour" could be the best name I've ever heard for a video game. What went into your thought process when you conceived such a catchy name? Eidos: ... Ivan: Do you think there's anything wrong with hiring a 16-year-old girl to portray Lara Croft in a skin-tight shirt and booty shorts at E3? Eidos: ... Ivan: Seriously, I thought I heard that you have to be 18 or older to get a boob job... Eidos: ... Ivan: Some feminist leaders actually like Lara because they say she's a strong female figure for little girls to look up to. What would these people think if they found out that Lara was originally created because a male programmer was tired of staring at a male character's ass all day long? Eidos: ... Ivan: What do you think of this tie-in idea for Eidos and Frito-Lay? Your slogan could be, "Bet You Can't Re-Hash It Just Once." Eidos: ... Ivan: Are you planning on making both Tomb Raider movie sequels identical to the original, or does that rule only apply to video games? Eidos: ... Ivan: Is there some sort of internal company policy that all of the characters in Fear Effect have to be showing lots of cleavage at all times? Eidos: ... Ivan: If it's embarrassing for the folks at Ion Storm to constantly be made fun of, how embarrassing is it for the company that paid Ion Storm over $20 million to slack off for over four years? Eidos: ... Ivan: You must be employing some sort of Negotiations God in order to sign such an incredibly balanced and smart deal with Ion Storm. I know this could expose some insider trade secrets, but can you talk a little bit about how you managed to get Ion Storm to agree to a deal that pays them huge sums of money with no performance incentives? Eidos: ... Ivan: Anytime you have a conversation about brilliant system-to-system conversions, you've just got to mention Eidos. How did Eidos manage to flawlessly port Soul Reaver, Tomb Raider 4, and Fighting Force 2 from the PlayStation to the Dreamcast with almost no changes whatsoever? Eidos: ... Ivan: How did you manage to pull off the PR miracle of making everyone think that Core Design is one of the top developers in the world, when in fact it may be one of the worst? Nothing says quality like Ninja, Tomb Raider, and Fighting Force, right? Eidos: ... Ivan: Are you absolutely sure that the developers of Urban Chaos at Mucky Foot Productions used to work for Bullfrog? What did they do, fix Bullfrog's air conditioner? Eidos: ... Ivan: When your company just reported a net loss of $40 million in the latest financial quarter, how do you determine that it's the opportune time to hand out $14 million in cash bonuses to employees? Eidos: ... Ivan: Who's responsible for releasing Soul Reaver before it was done? Is shattering someone's creative dream as fun as it sounds? Eidos: ... Ivan: Did the executive meeting about Soul Reaver go something like this? "I've got it! We'll just cut out half the game and place the words To Be Continued at the end in place of an actual ending! That will keep everyone on the edge of their seat for 12 months!" Eidos: ... Ivan: Is it embarrassing for Eidos to constantly hear about Infogrames denying interest in buying Eidos? Is it just me, or does Infogrames' CEO Bruno Bonnell sound like the little boy on the playground who just heard a rumor that he likes the ugliest girl in school? Eidos: ... Ivan: Well, thanks for your time. Eidos: ... Send your thoughts on this feature to ivan@mastergamer.com
© 2001 ivan@mastergamer.com